Old Bill and the Rolling Stones

Did you make it to Bill’s “I’m 6o” birthday party in New York over the weekend? Well personally I had to give it a miss. Yeah, I’m really sorry about that, but you know how it goes, you can’t be in two places at once, can you? Well I can’t, although goodness knows I do try, but with all this party business. Well I would have liked to have gone but I just wasn’t too happy about having to see and hear those old men on the stage singing just like they were the Rolling Stones, I mean they went out years ago didn’t they, great in their time, but ….well anyway, I thought no thanks!

Mind you, if I am really honest, I did have a bit of trouble with my bank manager about the whole thing. Bank managers just aren’t what they used to be are they? Well mine isn’t anyway. He blew his top when I said I wanted to withdraw $1160,000 out of my account. I said to him what are you ranting and raving about, don’t you know its Bill’s birthday party, he is 60 years old (well he was a few weeks ago, that is). It’s a once in the lifetime thing!

Well my bank manager said it doesn’t matter how many life times it was, the $1160,000 was a no go! So I said, but listen please, if I don’t pay I am not going to be able to sit at the table together with Bill and Hillary and all those others! Well my bank manager got all heated up about this, personally I think he was just jealous because he wanted to sit at the table together with Bill and Hillary, but anyway to cool him down I made an offer. I said listen forget the $60,000 to see those old guys on the stage… what are they called again…yeah the Rolling Stones…that’s right, we can forget that $60,000 and I will just withdraw the $1100,000 so that I can sit at the table with my old pals Bill and Hillary!

Well okay, they are not really old pals but it sure feels like it since they are always in the news. I mean I read one of those gossip articles today about Bill spending too much time chatting with someone’s wife and ignoring her husband who got all heated up (like my bank manager) and told her she couldn’t talk to Bill again (I say, talk about women’s rights!) and then Hillary is supposed to have got upset about it because she thought another scandal was going to start, and then bang goes her political future, well you know how it is…anyway I won’t go into that gossip stuff anymore, lets see where was I?

Oh yeah, my bank managers heating problem! So I told him (my bank manager that is) okay forget the $60,000 I will just withdraw the $1100,000, I mean that is reasonable isn’t it! Well he just got all the more heated so I made him another offer, one he just couldn’t refuse, forget the $100,000 for the poached eggs and whatever with Bill and Hillary at Pastis, I’ll settle for the $1000,000. Now wasn’t that a great offer, but talk about being ungrateful, I mean I had already made so many sacrifices, but my bank manager has got so agitated it looks as though I am going to have to bring him to the hospital instead of going to the party.

Alright, alright, I said, hoping to get his blood pressure down enough so I can go to the party and not have to sit around a hospital bed all weekend. Tell you what we will do, I’m willing to drop the game of golf for $500,000 but I will need the $60,000 back + the last $500,000 so I can go to the old men’s concert after all and for the $500,000 get a “backstage pass”, with dinner and photographed with Mr. Bill Clinton. So there, that is as fair as I can get, and my last offer!

But it was no good, my bank managers steam pressure valve blew (only symbolically of course) and ranting and raving about me not having enough money to even buy food, or pay any rent, and above all pay back my debts at the bank, he called the security guard, who threw me out onto the street.

Yeah well, so I ended sitting around all weekend outside the bank, you know with all the other homeless people, begging for some money from those passing so as to try and get something to eat. Yeah I’m real sorry Bill (and Hillary of course) that I couldn’t be there, I tried my best! If you are ever 60 again Bill maybe I’ll make it next time, but you don’t have to worry about getting the Rolling Stones to play, they are getting a bit old in the tooth now and must be feeling a bit tired and I can put up with a bit of hardship in life, I’m willing to do without them, if I make it next time that is!