Cheney gives us the real reason: conspiracy against the American voters

Things are not looking good for the republicans but at least now we know the real reason why!

Vice-President Dick Cheney says that al-Qaida and the militants in Iraq are conspiring to influence the American people’s opinion and their votes of course. Ah, okay Mr. Cheney thanks for that bit of intelligence I just knew the republican blues had nothing to do with all those dead bodies, illegal wars, reduction of civil and individuals rights, world unrest, corruption, scandals, your own handling of things……..well I could go on and on, but you know all this. Thanks Mr Cheney for putting us in the picture of the real reason, not the rest of that bull***t that is being spread about!

Oh yeah while I am at it Mr Cheney have you heard about that other possible voting conspiracy? No! Oh wow, I tell you, things are real bad in America at the moment, and in the rest of the world of course, you just can’t trust anybody these days, well thank goodness we can trust you Mr Cheney, and of course Mr Bush as well, can’t leave him out, can we now! Where would America and the world be without you, that’s what I say!

We have got to be grateful for small mercies in this life, haven’t we? Well like I said, you just can’t trust anyone anymore, you need eyes in the back of your head today, well to be honest, all around your head (stem cell research might help us to achieve that….but yeah I know, we don’t want that kind of thing going on do we…..mind you it would be handy in these distrustful fear ridden times…okay, okay…..I won’t talk about that anymore….but I mean there is so much fear about, isn’t there, not your fault Mr Cheney, or Mr Bush’s , I know, its just that……okay, okay).

Yeah well, Mr Cheney, I’ll tell you, there is this US supplier of voting machines, yeah you heard right, a supplier of….Voting…(yeah I know Mr Cheney that’s a sensitive word right now for you and Mr Bush, but that’s why I am telling you this)…well like I say there is this US supplier of voting machines that the proper authorities are now checking out. Why you ask, well I will tell you why, this company is owned primarily by three Venezuelans! That’s right, three Venezuelans!

Oh, oh don’t you go fainting on me now Mr Cheney, we need you, America needs you, the voters need you, the republicans need you, the world needs you! Just hang on in there Mr Cheney, like I said the proper authorities are right on the ball….and you know what…you’re not going to believe this Mr Cheney…it's all thanks to a democrat, yeah you heard right, a democrat (oh thank goodness some colour is coming back to your face, you are not quite as white!). Well Mr Cheney now we at least know that the democrats are good for something after all, unbelievable….yeah, yeah, like I already said, you got to be grateful for small mercies in this life, haven’t you….

Well hang on in there Mr Cheney while I get this done and told…like I said this company is owned primarily by three Venezuelans….you got to keep your chin up and stay with me on this Mr Cheney, this is important for all of us…..and they own a company that is providing voting machines which are being used in 17 states…yeah, yeah, I know…..you don’t have to say it!

I’m real sorry Mr Cheney, but from what I have read, this gets worse…yeah worse, sorry….the company also provided voting machines for the recall referendum on Mr Chavez's rule in 2004….yeah, you heard right…. President Hugo Chavez!.....yeah, yeah, him!….

oh! oh! oh!...but don’t you go worrying now Mr Cheney, it would seem that Caracas has strongly denied media suggestions that President Hugo Chavez has any role in this firm…..yeah, yeah I know you’d expect them to deny that, but…..yeah, yeah, I know all about that saying that where there is smoke there is fire…

what are you thinking now Mr Cheney…...no, no, surely not........

we can’t really believe that little Hugo Chavez’s might go popping out of the machines to shout abusive remarks about Mr Bush just as a voter is about to touch the voting machine screen….no, no, that can’t be real, can it?.........

no, no, I don’t believe it…well I suppose it might be theoretically possible that the machines have been programmed so that they send all the votes down to President Hugo Chavez and he personally alters all the votes and adds all kinds of abusive remarks about Mr Bush before sending the votes back…….....

I mean I suppose theoretically it might be possible…....

yeah, yeah your right, I see what you mean, you just can’t trust anyone these days, no wonder all the people are afraid of their own shadows….....

conspiracy, that’s the trouble Mr Cheney....…

al-Qaida, and the militants in Iraq, voting machines, Hugo Chavez, and…..….

as I say, thank goodness for small mercies, we are all real lucky we have you and Mr Bush.....….

* Thanks to the BBC News Service for providing the stimulation for this “story”.